You Know it is hard Don't you?

Guys... you know to really like someone is really hard... really really hard. In front of my men i can command, i can shout and i blow at them if they make mistakes even if they are older. But in front of her i am so helpless like a child. Sometimes i wondered if she's ever touched by the things i done for her, the answer that most of the time i get is NO! Well that's life isn't it? I was telling my boss that day not to listen to one song for so long, in the end you'll miss other great songs. He shoots back at me, "How about you? it is the same for girls isn't it? if you wait for her too long, you'll miss other good girls as well isn't it?" I can not say anything because he is right. Well things are not as simple as that, how can you compare a song to a person although the logic is the same? She is special to me. Many people say that i go for her because of her looks, is that really the case? No doubt she is very sweet looking but i am sure i don't just go for looks. If i am that superficial, i won't have waited so long for her. Hai~ OK i admit it.... i am like a block, not very interesting, in fact boring. Maybe that's why i am not popular among the girls. People usually come to me because they need my help, this goes for that very special girl as well. I am glad that i can be of some help to her but at the same time i questioned " am i just a tool or what?" My 老婆 tells me that not to think to much and don't give up just yet. Well... i really dunnoe. I wanted to give up 了。 I am tired. Besides i am going for Ground Forward Air Controller (GFAC) soon. i may become DyS3 though i wished i dun kenna it. I enjoyed being DyS1. My name is also submitted for NDP parade. Hai~~ arrows are flying at me but i dun really mind because it is a learning experience, a journey that toughen me for the future. Guys if you know about N****** just keep to yourself ok? i can write all these here because i bet she doesn't come here, almost certain. I WILL LET MY HANDS GO THOUGH IT IS HARD AND PAINFUL....Ouch~!
A poem for her (although not written by me, it tells my story):

A Thousand Fair Suitors

A thousand fair suitors all stab at your heart
Those poets of movement and jockeys of art
The high-volume vendors who hustle romance
Splashing their canvas with color and dance

The blasters of trumpets, gold banners unfurled
They offer lush gardens in glistening worlds
Yes, bearers of torches and carvers of stone
Who whisper their sonnets and surrender their thrones

And there in your doorway, no shadow is cast
No lingering voices, no ghosts from the past
Just a cluster of walls, and a window of pain
Collecting the heartache like droplets of rain

Still I stand before you, with palms to the sky
No gold in my pocket, no thorn in my side
And all I can offer, where words have no place
Is a body that trembles, and this love that awaits

- Jeff Kurfess -